Brat’s Cat, Nurturing Tulips, Minding Moods

This week we have a brat with a cat. Then, we’ve got some ways in which you can tell your friend when things are wrong. I’m also sharing tips on how to cope with a moody partner! Read on…

Andrew, Eleanor’s grandson, is now getting his act together! After being quiet for the first few months in his pre-school, Andrew is throwing off his cocoon slowly. Eleanor was telling me the other day that Andrew is putting his parents in a spot of bother by his bratty ways. Apparently he’s picked a couple of fights in school already. On a couple of occasions he returned with his chest pocket hanging somewhere near the belly. His mom, Lisa, made SOS calls to Eleanor for advice on what to do. Eleanor had told Lisa strictly that she must not lose temper and do something rash. Eleanor feels that children should not be yelled at for bad behavior. Rather, a calm and consistent approach is necessary to make them see reason.

Eleanor also warned Lisa that the efforts of this policy might not show results immediately. But Andrew did become less of a brat all of a sudden. You can’t say it’s because of Eleanor’s words of wisdom. Actually Andrew has picked up a cat from the street. He’s got that home and all his spare time belongs to that pet now. The cat looks stray but is well-behaved. “Definitely better behaved than the person who’s taking care of it!” Eleanor beamed to me. Whatever it may be, the cat has distracted Andrew enough from his devilish streak. He saves up on his snacks to feed the cat when he comes home from school. I hope, at least for Eleanor’s sake, that things remain this way for long.

Inspired by Eleanor’s rose garden, Adrian wants to have a little flower area of his own! And his ambitious project is to have a garden of tulips. Adrian realizes that having a tulip garden of his own will not be an easy task. There are many hassles on the way. To begin with, Adrian knows nothing about gardening. Neither does he have any passion in playing with soil and fertilizers. The reason he’s on this wild goose chase is that Cathy is very fond of tulips. Cathy made a mock agreement with Adrian that if he can get her a tulip garden, she may think about marrying him! Adrian took this jest as a challenge, hounding around everybody, looking for tips and advice.

When someone thinks of doing something absolutely dramatic or superfluous, there will be friends that will laugh it off as craziness. Adrian has his share, too. His harshest critic is Irina. Irina has no time for anything to do with impractical attitudes to life. Irina told him flat out that he must forget about the tulip garden. Irina twitched her eyebrows and asked, “Where are you going to plant all those flowers, on your carpet?” But Adrian has no reason to feel let down. Kate, the eternal romantic, is there to keep his morale high. Kate looked up on the internet and gave Adrian some printouts on where to start his dream project. This could be interesting. I’ll keep you updated.

Telling a friend he’s wrong is not an easy thing to do. There are tons of implications. The friend may clam up and shy away from your company in the future. He may take offense and never speak to you again. He may appear normal with you in the future but never trust you with secrets and advice ever again. Or he may just explode and tell you things that you won’t find pleasant to hear. There is another side to this same coin. If you support your friend in the wrong, or let him continue on the wayward path, you are actually doing more harm than good. In fact, then you are being selfish. You are choosing your friendship over your friend. That is not something that you would like to do.

So how do you handle it? Tact is the key. I have noted that when people are brutally honest, they enjoy the brutality more than the honesty. When you are dealing with a friend you care for, you got to be sensitive. You have to understand that words coming from you will attach more significance for your friend. This is more reason why you need to choose your words carefully. Make your friend realize that you are there for him but would also like him to mend ways. Your friend will find genuine concern in your words if you are sensitive and forthright. Don’t be patronizing or express pity. Be logical and reason with him why you think something is wrong. I’m sure it will work out for you and your friend. By the way, our Cinco de Mayo feast was awesome! Megan did an excellent job and the Mexican food tasted better because of the occasion!

Sarah is an artist. And like all artists, Sarah is prone to mood swings. There are times when Sarah goes totally quiet. It’s really tough to get her to blurt out what the matter is. It struck me that there are many of you out there who face the same problem with your partner. I admit that each one has their own way to cope with this, but I’ll share mine with you. When Sarah is in a bad mood, the best way to cope with her is to leave her alone. Sarah doesn’t like talking about her problems because she feels that when nothing can come out of it by discussion, better not discuss it. I have tried to tell her that by speaking about it, you feel light and can find solutions when you hear yourself talking about it. Sarah doesn’t agree.

Then I devised another way. Sarah always likes a good, healthy exchange of ideas about serious issues. When I feel that Sarah is not in the best of spirits, I ask her a critical question. It could be about child labor, about security, internet privacy, anything. This gives her a chance to take her mind off the problem and focus on my question. Sarah doesn’t let a serious question slip without an honest attempt to answer that. When Sarah starts speaking, her mind unfurls and before long, she’s enthusiastically talking about the topic. The dampness of accumulated depression is blown away in fresh gusts of wind. And let me tell you, there’s nothing of more relief when I feel that Sarah’s back to her cheerful self!

Let’s sign off this edition with a Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss) quote on love: “When you are in Love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.”