Just Because, Mind Your Friend, Make A Choice

Can you rebuild a bond after it has become threadbare? We’ll see what a friend does and why you must do random acts for others. We also have a learned person in our midst this week! Join us…

There’s something really tough about moving on when you are in love. The primary force that holds you back is the optimism that things will be alright in the end, as romance novels and candy floss movies would like us to believe. But I personally feel that once the ties of togetherness snaps, it’s not possible to go back to that state again. Both partners are more sensitive and wear their ego on their sleeves. They are more likely to be offended at the slightest provocation.

Adrian and Cathy are going through a similar phase. They have some major communication issues because of their work timings. That has escalated to bitter quarrels and finger-pointing episodes. I will have to give it to them for getting a hold on themselves every now and then, but things collapse the moment they take it easy again. Their relationship is now in a state of volatile oscillations. As of now, they have kissed and made up. But things are not looking healthy. Hope this bond lasts.

Do you always do things for a cause? Or a gain? If the answer is yes, then you are missing something in your life! I have always found joy in doing random acts that did not have anything in it for me. For example, when I help my niece Rachael with her project work, I feel happy and contented. It’s not because I feel I’m doing something extraordinary. It’s simply because I know this has nothing in it for me and that is a heady feeling in these selfish times. And it’s not just me who does it.

Donna helps out a lady in the HR team. The lady in question has a little daughter. She leaves her in child care on her way to work. Donna has asked her to leave early and volunteered to do a bit of her work. Donna said, “I know what it is to be a single parent. Every minute is precious.” No wonder Donna won a friend in the process! This is a great way to help people around you. Remember that when we reach out, we create ripples. And positive vibrations are something we badly need.

When do you know that your friendship is going downhill? To begin with, you find that your friend is being over-critical about your ways. Everything you do seems like a mistake to her. If you buy something in blue, your friend tells you that you look awful in that color. And it goes on like this. You also begin to detect pangs of jealousy – not the harmless version, but the really toxic, damaging one. I think it’s only natural to be envious of a friend’s watch or car, but to be destructive about it is not being cool.

You may be wondering why I’m telling you this dark side of friendship. I remembered a teen friend who used to hang out with me back in Pasadena. Now this guy was funny and all, but something happened to him when he couldn’t get into college and I did. He just lost it. He became judgmental about things and there was this negativity radiating from him. I decided to snap ties and when I came to New York, I never contacted that friend. I thought that maybe some of you have been through similar experiences, so I might as well share it.

Someone has been reading some literature these days! Megan, frustrated with her dating fiascoes, decided to take some pleasure in books. I got it from Irina that Megan heads home straight from work – no parties or drinks with co-workers anymore. “I want to inject some meaning in life,” Megan told Irina. And it seems like she actually has! We were meeting over the weekend and Megan was called to honor us with her time. Megan arrived late, by when the evening was in full swing. And we were discussing things around us.

It was the perfect breeding ground for Megan to sow her new found learning. We were talking about choices that we make. Kate felt that everything was part of a grand design and action was not much in the modern sense where we are just cogs in a large wheel. Megan begged to differ. We thought it would be one of those ancient debates about destiny and free will. Instead, Megan told us how we can still choose for ourselves, despite the age and situation we are placed in. “The decision of your action is always yours, no matter what!”

Here’s a Ayn Rand quote that Megan told us that evening: “Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it’s up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.”