Say Hello, Fight It Out, Marriage Woes

This week promises to be eventful. With Thanksgiving right ahead, wouldn’t you like to look at life differently? Read about obesity in friendship, why you need to fight with your partner and what is the right time to marry! Join in…

When was the last time you wanted to tell someone desperately: ‘Get a life!’? It won’t put a heavy toll on your mind. That’s because we are continuously coming across people from all walks of life who need to discover themselves. They are mired in their own little isolated cells, living from day to day, achieving micro goals and living in dread of the uncertain future. Yes, you can count yourself as belonging to this group. And if I’m honest with myself, I would admit that I’m not free from overriding worries as well.

Life is to be lived. It’s as simple as that. Yet, because of certain obligations and compulsions, you tend to drag it. You forget to be thankful about little things in life, because you are bitter about not achieving the larger goals. But if you look at what you have gained rather than what you couldn’t, you will find a new approach to life. You will learn to count your blessings. You need not wait for inspiration to set you off. Let us all make an effort and say ‘Hello’ to life today!

Adrian pointed out something very significant the other day. We were reading this article that said 42% Americans would be obese in the coming forty years. I was amused but Adrian told me that much of our extra calories come from our friendships. I looked at him in surprise. He explained, “Remember those after-work breaks? The fried take-aways?” I caught his drift. Yes, he was right! Our friends and associates often end up loading calories on us.

I thought about this later on. There are so many times when you allowed yourself extra dollops of sinful chocolate because you were out partying during the weekend. Those little getaways with friends that resulted in a food fest. You called on high-calorie food to celebrate success at work, hang-outs with old school pals and also to tide over depression when your relationship is not working out. Maybe it’s time to take a collective vow with your friends and quit the obese ways.

It’s difficult to come across a couple that doesn’t fight! Fighting, those odd hiccups and some serious ado about nothing: these are part and parcel of any relationship. Megan was telling me the other day that the occasional argument is good for lovers. “It’s important to speak out when you don’t agree,” Megan said, “Otherwise you tend to bottle things up that lead to greater misunderstandings later on.” That is definitely a point well-made. After all, molehills make mountains between couples.

On the other hand, letting your temper fly isn’t desirable either. The proper way to handle ire at your partner is to ask constructive questions. Find out exactly why your significant other is mad at you. Is it something that you did consciously? Megan suggests that instead of calling names and heaping accusations, both partners should arrive at a calm page of discussion. “Look to the future!” Megan advises, “The argument is momentary. The relationship is what matters most.”

Now that Henry is in New York City, Kate’s parents are suggesting that they get married next year in June. If you are reading my newsletters regularly, you will know that their relationship is in a rough patch. But Kate cannot communicate the same to her parents because they have already been much distressed when her previous relationship fell apart. Kate’s parents want her to settle down right away. Kate also has another reason for putting this marriage off for now.

Kate may be a die-hard romantic, but she’s also ambitious. She’s working really hard to pursue her career in a city like this. Kate feels that marriage and the responsibilities that come with marriage will break her speed. Kate doesn’t want to have roadblocks that can throw her off-track. “I want what you wanted at my age,” Kate assured her mother, “It’s just that I’m in no rush and want to reach that stage on my own terms.” Kate surely deserves a pat on the back for her confidence.

Here’s a John Fitzgerald Kennedy quote to welcome Thanksgiving: “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”