Live It The Way You Love It

Dear 123Greetings subscriber,

Big news, friends ! This one will shake up the planet… it’s bigger that the Jesus phone and Harry Potter combined ! Got your attention, didn’t I ? Well, hold your breath jus’ a little longer ‘n I’ll let you into the Secret of the Millennium ! No, make that Eternity ! Guess what, my buddy Ron jus’ stumbled upon the formula that guarantees everlasting peace on the planet ! Surprised ? Well, all I can tell you for now is that it has something to do with KISS and food… Intrigued ? Read on and unravel the mystery for yourself…

My buddy Ron figures that he’s found the formula for everlasting peace on earth ! “So what are the magic words ?” I asked. “Not words, only word,” he replied, “KISS is the solution to all our problems !” Uh, oh ! Not again… Ron continued, “KISS, my dear fellow, means Keep It Short ‘n Simple ! Look at me. My motto in life is – Food is Good. See ? No conflict, no confusion. A pilgrimage to the corner joint once in a while, like on Cheesecake Day and Hamburger Day, and I’m content. Think what will happen if everybody thought like me !” Global starvation, most likely ! Of course, I didn’t express my thoughts in front of Ron. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’d conflict quite violently with his contentment !

Rick the NASCAR freak has somehow managed to scourge and save and got tickets for the event. The Auto Race was a sight to behold, of course, but the rash on-the-edge driving makes Megan go groggy. Still since Rick insisted Megan made the trip with our gang. For Steve it was the ultimate Final Frontier, he hasn’t ever been to the event, of course the gadget-man wouldn’t lose it for anything in the world. The event was beamed in the freeze-frame monitors all over the place. And once the race began, the shrieking and yelling started. Dudes and dames of colors and creed joined in the fun, even Meggy loosened up a bit. All hell broke loose when the race entered the final lap, Steve had wagered on one particular vehicle to top and it was inching it’s way towards the flag. Suddenly Steve has become the gang-leader of the merry makers, he was so sucked into it that he leaned to his antic ways, jumping, hugging anybody and everybody, egging them all to voice for his vehicle, utter chaos, and the cameraman couldn’t resist, but for an instant capture Steve and he danced on the screen all over the venue ! He wagered right, his car reached the pole first and Steve couldn’t control himself, he jumped the defense and ran to the vehicle and kissed the car. He literally stole the show from the Champion. You gotta hand it to Steve !

Aaliyah is Jewish, you know that already, right folks ?! When she invited me home for dinner this time, I was ready. You all know that experience, last time I was there. I am yet to patch up with her old man. Anyways, to impress him good, I got him his favorite Champagne Krug Rose, cost me a fortune…a would be father-in-law deserves as much on Father-In-Law Day ! My plan was to pacify him with the drink, I am sure he is no yak-yak person, so just a small talk would do and then try to sneak Aaliyah out for the night and we could hit a disco and well, the night would still be young. Smiled to myself at my fantasies; reached her place and greeted her dad with the good ol’ Krug. Guess what…he held a perfect beauty in his hands, the old man has got me a vintage Dom Perignon…Voila ! We sat down for dinner and the mood was festive at the table. Had a good time there and retired for a drink. I assured Aaliyah, I will behave and won’t loose talk with her dad and be polite and meet her in a while. So we clinked our glasses for a “Cheers !” and then he started. I found him a warm person with a great sense of humor. The best part was he was not afraid making fun of himself. That touched me. I opened up a bit and with the bubbly doing it’s trick, I threw caution to the winds and opened my biography and anecdotes. We hit it off like a house on fire and there was no stopping us. When we were through or should I say, when I lay flat, it was three in the morning ! Well, Aaliyah didn’t complain neither…she was just curious how it all came about. Of course, with guys it isn’t that tough once the facade is down, I told her that and she still didn’t get it. No wonder…we are too simple to crack, guys, I mean and they think we are a mystery, go figure !

Today morning Steve hit me with a bummer of a question ! I was nicely minding my own business tending to my car in the garage when I saw that he had very inconveniently positioned himself on the bonnet and was staring into deep space ! “Hello sir,” I said, trying to get his mind back to planet Earth, “Could you please park your backside someplace else so that I can get along with my repairs ?” He turned to stare at me with dreamy eyes and hoarsely whispered, “Tell me, if Wal-Mart is lowering prices everyday, how come nothing in the store is free yet ?” Needless to say, I was floored. But Bobby boy ain’t the editor for nothing ! I shot back with an imponderable of my own, “If it’s your philosophy to Always Live Better Than Yesterday, how come you aren’t in heaven yet ?” Great, that brought our Stevie Wonder down from the heavens pretty fast indeed ! So while he keeps staring at me wide-eyed in confusion, I pass the question to you… Any answer, folks ?

Think of Rain ! Think of Romance ! It was raining cats and dogs and I remembered Aaliyah, ah ! What do you expect ! Drove like crazy and arrived at her abode only to find a sign that read, “Men Not Allowed.” Now, what was that, she answered the door when I rang the bell and I pointed to the sign. Aaliyah, “Yeah Bob, today’s Girlfriend’s Day.” I could see Megan behind her and she went, “Bob, we are gonna catch up on a few movies with a little bit of wine and have dinner together, so now, scoot.” Hmm…”But Meggy what’s wrong with a man joining ya two eh ? You see, I would behave and….”

Aaliyah cut me off, “Nah, Bobby, Men are like grapes, we have to stomp the crap out to get you to be an okay-dokey wine.” That was rude ! When two girls agree on something I better don’t say anything…I was smart enough to understand that ! I hear they cried themselves through “Step Mom” starring Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon on DVD and had wine and Diet Cokes all night ! Girls ! Some celebration. But by the looks of it, when I met them the next day, they had enough fun ! Ron quizzed me sarcastically, “I hear Bob you were thrown out by two girls last night.”

“Oh yeah buddy ! You see, girls are like mangoes on a tree, the easy ones you can get it on the ground or at easy reach on the branch, but the best ones stay at the top, I am brave enough to climb it and these two stay right up there…”

He vanished ! Did I take it too far eh ?!

Peace,

Bob
Editor, 123Greetings
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