I am chilled to the marrow. The freezing cold in NYC makes the warm room a safe haven. It is days like these when temperature dips down to 10 degrees and less, when you realize what it is to be in your comfort zone. I stretched inside my comforter, refusing to give in to the nagging voice in my head, which was commanding me to get out and finish the work piling up while the other side of my head kept pulling me back to the warm pillow giving me reasons to stay put, it sounded like the voice of my mom on a day I would be down with a fever or a rash. “Relax Hon! It is okay to rest.” Only that it was not that, it was the voice of the procrastinator within me, who was so fearful of commitments of all kinds.
Is it just the bad weather? Is it laziness that keeps us from giving our word even to ourselves at times? Or Is it devaluing what is important? Or Is it simply a lack of self-love and self-esteem?
When I was growing up I often heard my dad tell me, “The way you do one thing in life shows how you do every other thing in your life.”
I never understood it until I started to even postpone the commitment of forever and ever to the love of my life Aaliyah. It has been years we are living in together but she expected me to still propose to her.
I remember helping my friend Steve propose to his girlfriend during the Valentine’s Day with roses, chocolates, greetings and hearts but when it comes to my time my legs feel as heavy as sunken logs.
I picked up the phone and called up Fred, my all-time advisor, he sounded calm and chuckled when he heard my concerns about commitment and my logics and reasonings dropped when he said, “Bob, it is not the world you don’t trust, it is you that you are doubting by postponing your promises to Aaliyah or your work.”
Yes, it made sense. So, what could I do to win the trust back in myself and my strengths. Did I have it in me?
I had rooted deep within me a fear of rejection. I felt no matter what I do, it will never be good enough.
So, I always kept the escape gate opened.
Fred gave me a way to deal with it and it is working for me. I broke it down to small steps because for people who are prone to avoidance, taking big leaps is not viable. So, let’s begin with baby steps.
- Know what you really want, what you truly love.
- Prioritize, be open to feedbacks at this stage.
- Remember a time in your life when you did achieve what you were set out to achieve. Even if a small accomplishment, acknowledge it.
- Take stock of your inner resources. Courage, faith, love, kindness, compassion, empathy just remind yourself the different times in your life when you felt the presence of virtues within you.
- Surround yourself with people who encourage you.
- Set Boundaries. Negativities need to be cut down. Else, the hold of Lucifer, the devil, is too strong.
- Work at a slow pace initially.
- Set rewards at every milestone.
- Declare and Dare. Change the world with your word. “Come hail, come storm, your word should withstand it all.”
- Celebrate with people who care and appreciate.
I loved the 10-step process of overcoming the habit of avoiding commitments and I plan to surprise Aaliyah in the love month of February with some “Forever and Ever” vows. Stay tuned my friends.
Keep your loved ones warm with special greetings this season.
Bunny Proposal
February 8, 2019
